It's been a crazy few weeks. I feel like I've been a life time at the school, when in reality it's been three weeks, and it will be my fourth one coming up.
Do I still like teaching? Yes, there are moments I have so much fun.
Year 7A is the best class ever. The kids in that class are so funny.
Year 8 has slowly improved somehow. I'm not sure how. I feel like they just decided to be good for the last two classes. I'm really confused by that to be honest. It's like they just decided one day for no real reason.
Year 10 has seen me cry so many times, I feel very weird about it. One of the Italian boys likes to wander around the school and I can't work out how to make him stop
Year 11 has slowly dwindled, and I'm going to have to start handing out truancy cards. Sigh.
Doing casual classes has been good and bad. Some of them are amazing, some of them are terrible.
Thursday, 3 April 2014
Monday, 24 March 2014
Hi
I am very sad
I don't know how many other jobs have kids swear at you and tell you that you are unfair and a bad person.
It's really getting to my soul. I think I just have to ignore it and move past it.
I am extremely weak as a person.
Friday, 21 March 2014
How I feel as a teacher
The young queen, she fixed him with an arrogant eye
She said, "You won't understand, and you may as well not try"
But her face was a child's, and he thought she would cry
But she closed herself up like a fan.
And she said, "I've swallowed a secret burning thread
It cuts me inside, and often I've bled"
He laid his hand then on top of her head
And he bowed her down to the ground.
"Tell me how hungry are you? How weak you must feel
As you are living here alone, and you are never revealed
But I won't march again on your battlefield"
And he took her to the window to see.
And the sun, it was gold, though the sky, it was gray
And she wanted more than she ever could say
But she knew how it frightened her, and she turned away
And would not look at his face again.
She said, "You won't understand, and you may as well not try"
But her face was a child's, and he thought she would cry
But she closed herself up like a fan.
And she said, "I've swallowed a secret burning thread
It cuts me inside, and often I've bled"
He laid his hand then on top of her head
And he bowed her down to the ground.
"Tell me how hungry are you? How weak you must feel
As you are living here alone, and you are never revealed
But I won't march again on your battlefield"
And he took her to the window to see.
And the sun, it was gold, though the sky, it was gray
And she wanted more than she ever could say
But she knew how it frightened her, and she turned away
And would not look at his face again.
I can leave.
I can leave when you want me to
I can be just a thought
A memory that you love
I can be just the light on the dark of our pictures
Just words that we shared
And all of our places
I can be an old song that makes you cry
I can be the card that you find
At the bottom of your drawer
That you couldn't throw away
But had nowhere to live
It's Friday, Friday... Friday...
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you solve the problem of Year 8 boys?
Today I went super strict on the Year 8 boys and they were all very upset. The whole way through they paid attention, then towards the end they started getting super upset.
My head teacher supported me though. I ended up crying in the staffroom for a few minutes. It was pretty bad, but everyone just seemed to be comforting.
My worst fear is that the other staff will dislike me I guess. It's not that I'm not being genuine, I am, but I am really cautious not to offend anyone. I'm honestly trying my best not to inconvenience anyone, but I understand sometimes things can get hectic and people can get unhappy.
Year 11 was insane. One girl threatened the other kids, then told me they were bullying her. I wasn't sure if she was being serious, but she definitely had emotional issues, which to me did indicate that she had been bullied.
I felt really disappointed in Year 11. I know they were being nice to my face, and secretly behind my back they probably talk about me negatively, but I enjoy chatting to them and telling them random facts about how to rent a house etc. I know it's useful for them because they will be moving out eventually.
They looked at me and said, "Do you like being in Griffith now?" to me at the end of it all.
The fact is yes I do.
I find most of the kids lie all the time to me, and they bully each other, and they probably hate me, but some part of me still really cares about them. I know there are reasons that they act the way they do.
The great thing is I know people who were bullies in high school who completely changed when they were older.
I will pray for these kids that their hearts will change.
How do you solve the problem of Year 8 boys?
Today I went super strict on the Year 8 boys and they were all very upset. The whole way through they paid attention, then towards the end they started getting super upset.
My head teacher supported me though. I ended up crying in the staffroom for a few minutes. It was pretty bad, but everyone just seemed to be comforting.
My worst fear is that the other staff will dislike me I guess. It's not that I'm not being genuine, I am, but I am really cautious not to offend anyone. I'm honestly trying my best not to inconvenience anyone, but I understand sometimes things can get hectic and people can get unhappy.
Year 11 was insane. One girl threatened the other kids, then told me they were bullying her. I wasn't sure if she was being serious, but she definitely had emotional issues, which to me did indicate that she had been bullied.
I felt really disappointed in Year 11. I know they were being nice to my face, and secretly behind my back they probably talk about me negatively, but I enjoy chatting to them and telling them random facts about how to rent a house etc. I know it's useful for them because they will be moving out eventually.
They looked at me and said, "Do you like being in Griffith now?" to me at the end of it all.
The fact is yes I do.
I find most of the kids lie all the time to me, and they bully each other, and they probably hate me, but some part of me still really cares about them. I know there are reasons that they act the way they do.
The great thing is I know people who were bullies in high school who completely changed when they were older.
I will pray for these kids that their hearts will change.
Thursday, 20 March 2014
Today I am facing my most feared class
I woke up at 5am today unable to sleep. The Year 8 boys, the top class, are so difficult.
The problem is that every boy in that class is incredibly smart, but they seem bent on using that power for evil.
At least the bottom class is a lot worse at lying. The top class however, can lie through their teeth about anything and I'll believe them. It's incredibly frustrating.
One boy I will say, "Sit down now." And he will go "I'm very sorry miss, I'm right on my way, I apologise."
Then he will go and find some broken beaker and bring it to me and say, "Look I found a broken beaker Miss."
And I will say, "Thank you, sit down now." And he will wander off and do something else helpful.
I know he knows exactly what he is doing. He is a very bright boy.
He is the least of my worries. The others will look at me with full sincerity and apologise, but they will keep doing the action.
Today I will succeed. TODAY!
Or I will never get any sleep over the weekend...
The problem is that every boy in that class is incredibly smart, but they seem bent on using that power for evil.
At least the bottom class is a lot worse at lying. The top class however, can lie through their teeth about anything and I'll believe them. It's incredibly frustrating.
One boy I will say, "Sit down now." And he will go "I'm very sorry miss, I'm right on my way, I apologise."
Then he will go and find some broken beaker and bring it to me and say, "Look I found a broken beaker Miss."
And I will say, "Thank you, sit down now." And he will wander off and do something else helpful.
I know he knows exactly what he is doing. He is a very bright boy.
He is the least of my worries. The others will look at me with full sincerity and apologise, but they will keep doing the action.
Today I will succeed. TODAY!
Or I will never get any sleep over the weekend...
Wednesday, 19 March 2014
Further seems forever
This week feels like it's lasting forever!
I feel like in front of teachers and kids I'm trying to be very bland. Bland and quiet.
Today I walked into my lowest year 8 class and they were terrified of me. They all said, "Be quiet! Or she'll send you to Miss Jobe!" and they all went quiet and looked at me with terror. One of them said, "She is really scary."
Frankly, most of the time I don't even yell at kids. I just stare at them, and they get really freaked out because I'm not saying anything, and they start doing the right thing.
Year 10 was very good as well. They kept talking when I was talking at the beginning, but I sent one boy out and the others were better after a while.
I went around making the kids do the work. They may start to resent me after a while.
Oh well. Bottom level Year 10 class.
I feel like in front of teachers and kids I'm trying to be very bland. Bland and quiet.
Today I walked into my lowest year 8 class and they were terrified of me. They all said, "Be quiet! Or she'll send you to Miss Jobe!" and they all went quiet and looked at me with terror. One of them said, "She is really scary."
Frankly, most of the time I don't even yell at kids. I just stare at them, and they get really freaked out because I'm not saying anything, and they start doing the right thing.
Year 10 was very good as well. They kept talking when I was talking at the beginning, but I sent one boy out and the others were better after a while.
I went around making the kids do the work. They may start to resent me after a while.
Oh well. Bottom level Year 10 class.
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